wordsilongtohear
foreverandeverbabe
haziqah idris.ar
when life pushes you around&you get hit hard,
you just gotta rise, look ahead&move on.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 9:45 PM
adik: do you know whut will happen if you sit down after exercising?
momma: dotno.
adik: points to my butt* thereeee.
thanks maaaaaan. anw, happy 12th birthday lil bro. though youre always driving me up the wall, i still love you ohkay? goodluck for psle&do the idris family proud(: muchhloveeeeeee*
i guess ive been thinking too much lately. instead of waking up at 5, i woke up half an hour earlier, crying. i had this bad dream about losing my family, bebe&something terrible happen to grandma&me being all alone. i had to reassure myself that it was all a dream&force myself to rest a while more before getting ready for attachment. maybe ive been pushing&stressing myself too much. you know, it breaks my heart seeing things happening to my family. grandma's in old age, but she's still healthy. she can still travel from telok blangah to serangoon&vice versa. i feel bad whenever she comes over, its either im out schooling/attachmenting/working& even if she gets to see me, its only that 5 minutes before she leave for her home. i love her, she's been always advising me but not nagging. she's always nice to all her grandchildren&never been bias. im not prepared to lost her yet. ive yet to tell her how much i love her&appreciate all the things she's done for my family&her own family.
alot of things been happening to my family lately, especially dad. i cant stop thinking about whut happen to hym& it hurts me even more whenever i try putting myself into his shoe. he's been such a strong man&a leader to my family. he's been stressed out lately&i understand how he feels, but sometymes i find abang self-centered, always thinking of himself. he doesnt know how much dad has to go through to allow us to have a happy lyfe, abang always been pampered by my relatives. isnt that 'nuff attention? i always blame that bad company of his for ruining my loving abang. i missed the old hym. i missed playing around with hym, teasing each other lyke the good ol' times...
seeing momma overworking herself, getting herself sick&all makes me worry even more. how i wish i could help them out, but there's just too many restriction. im already drained out with attachment, ending shift at 3pm. whut more if i continue working till 10?&waking up at 5. i dont wannt do make up for saturdays&sundays. that will be my only rest day. i guess i should not laze around anymore. its tyme i take whutever im doing now seriously. get my diploma in nursing without repeating any module, thats whut im g'nna aim for. & looking after the both of them is my responsibilty. & grandma too.
bebe's been patient 'nuff with me, at tymes. but i guess there's always a limit to everything. he's always trying to cheer me up by irritating me& sometimes it just gets to my nerves& i just say things that i dont mean it. & i swear, i could just kick his balls, then use it for floorball. nahh, kidding. i just hope he could tolerate my attitude....
alright, i should be going off now. bebe wants me to sleep right after im done with shower, but i just need to let everything out. read some prayers before sleep to calm me down....
this is such a bad tyme for me to ponder about things.
once again, happy birthday again lil bro.